And here I am.
It’s been a year since I had double jaw surgery, and let me tell you: it’s been a ride and half!
I’ve been up, down, and everything in between it seems. But generally speaking, I think I’m doing ok. Maybe better than ok. Almost, good.
I think I’d like to talk about the past year in segments rather than just chronologically, as every aspect of my life is very different.
So, the whole reason for the surgery was to try and relieve the chronic pain I’ve been in since forever. And it’s sort-of worked. Between having my arch bars removed, and getting braces, the pain was manageable. Easily manageable.
But since having fixed braces fitted, the pain is not so easily managed. They’re doing a lot of work, making room for a rogue tooth and doing the last stages of fixing my bite. So pain is to be expected. It’s just a bit sucky.
I’m able to do a lot more than I was doing, pre-surgery. I’m getting out more, seeing friends, and hanging out with my family.
I bloody hate having anxiety. It messes with your head and makes you think all kinds of stuff that’s simply not true. Pre-surgery, I felt like a burden to my friends and family. I was constantly on a hamster wheel of not knowing when the pain would hit, having to cancel plans at the last minute, being really bad company, etc.
Big anxiety attacks would hit. The ones that shatter your world completely and leave you a heaping mess. The ones that you could do nothing about: no coping mechanism would work against these bad boys. Simply had to ride it out.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not cured of my anxiety – not by a long shot.
I am however, in more control of it than I used to be. The attacks are less frequent, and less world shattering. I feel less of a burden.
I’m very ok with being a plus-sized girl. In fact, I take great pride in owning my curves and my lumps n’ bumps. I’m also really proud to be part of a community that celebrates diverse bodies. There are some terrific bloggers/influencers that are blazing the trail in this area too.
However, I’ve never been too ‘body’ conscious – it was always about my face.
Since having surgery, my face has changed a lot. I’m still getting used to it. And while this wasn’t the primary reason for having surgery, it’s definitely helped me in the way I feel towards my face.
Not that I ever ‘hated’ my face. I could just always hear echoes of being called ‘chinner’ at school, and didn’t like the way my lower jaw looked.
I’m sure I would’ve been happy had my face stayed the same – there are so many awesome things about me besides my face. I guess I’m just glad I don’t hate the new face.
Generally speaking, life is just a lot better now. I’m reconnecting with friends and getting out and about. My amazing family continues to rally around me and are just the best people I know.
I’m very thankful to have the people in my life that I have.
I’m just grateful for the life I have.
Onwards and upwards, bitches.