Relationship breakdown

Is something trying to deal with right now. A 10yr relationship has broken down due to my ill health and related issues. A relationship I thought was going to be my Happy Ever After.

It’s been 12 years since I lost my Nanna. She was like an extra mum to me and my sister. We were all so so close and losing her was my first experience of grief.

Losing her broke my world.

Ending my relationship also broke my world.

It’s led me to start thinking about how heartbreak is very much like grieving. You still have all this love inside you for the person you lost but you can’t express it to them anymore. And sometimes it’s more than I can bear.

Sometimes it’s too much to handle and I feel like I might never be able to love anyone ever again because this hurt is too extraordinary and overwhelming.

Sometimes it feels like I can’t function on a daily basis because I can feel how heavy my heart is with every breath.

Sometimes it’s like the world with them in, and the world without them, are two different universes. It’s impossible to imagine your world without them and the world you had before seems like a dream.

But sometimes there’s a little glimmer of light and hope and you can almost see a way forward. Almost gain control over that outpouring of love from your broken heart. Almost imagine it not breaking your world to open your heart again.

Sometimes. Almost.

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