Optimistic

So its been a while.

I haven’t had much motivation to write recently. Partly because I’ve been getting out of the house, and partly because my health has been seesaw-ing like a mother chuffer.

I’ve had some lovely times out with my family – went to see my honorary little sister perform in her touring show, which was completely kickass and I felt beyond proud. It was also a lovely day out with my mum and nieces.

However, that evening I was supposed to go out with a friend and had a complete meltdown and didn’t go. Luckily for me, she knows I’m a complete headcase and didn’t hold it against me (I think!). But I then felt super guilty for rest of the weekend. Cue anxiety bubbling away.

I was also in pain for a couple days after. Not the same pain I was in before my operation, but enough to knock me off my feet. It’s a very weird recovery process – the pain is similar but not. I can use my teeth to bite into things properly, but this now hurts because my jaw is weak from the op. So eating still hurts, but in a different way!

However, the biggest thing that happened, for me, was me having an anxiety attack but NOT letting it take over. In fact, I was having major anxiety about all the things I had to do (lots of little errands which weren’t massive but time sensitive) and had begun to curl up in a ball in bed.
Cue big thing happening: the rational voice in my head was louder than the anxiety voice. I got up, got dressed, and did the things. I beat my anxiety. Me. Damn it felt awesome!

Today I’ve been in bed with pain again but feeling optimistic. Really, really optimistic.

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